I feel the warmth of your arms surround me
as years wash away, a long moment of grief
expressed in a hug too tight for a child,
a man without a father.
History powerful enough to tear down
walls of time belies reason.
A sepia photograph reminds of
bygone youth, shared play,
picnics at the zoo.
Sadness and joy clash on this day,
memories well up in your eyes and mine.
Tales to tell, remembrances, laughter and love.
Shrimp, crayfish and oysters
on the table before us.
Thundering rain upon heavy limbs
laden with green resurrection ferns.
A damp night of conversation and thoughtful
stories, but no campfire.
Spring awaits summer, hot and sticky,
sweat follows the length of your temples,
beads on your forehead.
Love beats in your heart.
Family swells in your mind.
A homecoming of sorts, we gather to mourn,
remark the change in lines on our faces,
spill our absent lives into one another’s.
Four score years should not pass
before shared warmth.
Believing the other will always exist,
somewhere in the annals of our history,
part of the natural order of our universe,
a comfort zone to our souls,
does not make it so.
Create a pact, dear ones.
Share more of life in
years to come.
Let’s not wait for
the next family funeral.
—Victoria Emmons, May 2017
Aging, Cousins, death, Family, Father, Grief, Home, Loss, Love, Memories, Musings, Pain, Poetry, Relationships, Reunion
Cousins, death, family, love
May · 31
The first time
I saw my own eyes
staring out from
behind your sweet face,
a mirror of self-love
unencumbered by years
of doubt, sweat, tears.
That first time,
the only time
I saw you
before she took
to a better life.
–Victoria Emmons, 2017
Dedicated to all the mothers
who had to give up their children.
Babies, Birth, Challenges, Children, Daughter, Destiny, Family, Grief, Heartbreak, kids, life, Loss, Love, Love, Memories, Mother, Musings, Pain, poems, Poetry, Relationships, Secrets, Son
adoption, babies, challenges, children, grief, infants, kids, loss, mother, orphans
May · 16
In fifteen minutes you and I will turn thirty.
That long ago, so much time vanished.
Fifteen minutes disappearing like thirty years.
At midnight, all those years will have passed.
That day we met, we cued up for good reason.
A boat too full let us laugh together instead,
share a beer at the hotel bar,
become friends and lovers for life.
Ten minutes remain until thirty years arrive.
We can soon celebrate a milestone,
worth a bottle of your best champagne.
Bubbles make me laugh. So do you.
I hear your laughter ring in my head. Yet
how heavy it seems. I carry that laughter with me.
Its joy and its burden. A love that will not end.
A memory that will not cease to exist.
Five more minutes and our thirty-year anniversary
becomes real. Aunt Wilma said thirties were the
best years. Best for everything. Her wisdom stays
with me. But after thirty years, a void appears.
Not the same without you, my love, despite the hour.
Remember our anniversary, my calendar tells me.
It is now done. Check you off my to-do list.
I remembered. No one else did.
–Victoria Emmons, 16 May 2017
Amour, Anniversary, Grief, life, Loss, Love, Love, Loyalty, Marriage, Memories, Musings, poems, Poetry, Relationships, Writing, Writing
Amour, Anniversary, grief, life, loss, love, loyalty, marriage, relationships
May · 16
So simple the design of a drawer,
pull and push, search for something lost,
a ribbon, a jar of ground cloves,
zebra-striped pasta long and narrow,
a green marbled heart meant to
give away, but kept.
Drawers contain books to read, journals
to write, secrets to hide or discover,
an entire family history stored for
at least a decade or more waiting
to hand down to the next generation.
The empty one my least favorite, second drawer
of the tall dresser, the one he used to fill
with socks. Now barren, the drawer’s
cedar wood frame houses a familiar scent
that lingers so I won’t forget.
–Victoria Emmons, 2017
Amour, death, Drawers, Grief, life, Love, Marriage, Memories, Musings, Pain, poems, Poetry, Relationships, Secrets
Drawers, grief, life, love, memories, poetry
Apr · 20
Soft whimpers break the
silence of my room,
the only sound beyond your
breathing, the rhythm of
your chest undulating like
an ocean wave.
My toes find their way
under the sheets,
and a slippery bedspread
Aches that appear only
at night rise up as
twists and turns remind
me of my sixth decade.
You are there, as my friend
forever loyal, cluttering
my bed with your bones.
–Victoria Emmons, 2017
Dogs, Friends, Grief, kindness, Loyalty, Memories, Musings
bones, dogs, home, life, love, loyalty
Apr · 18
A single red rosebud shares a vase with purple statice
My only valentine flowers of the season,
A sweet surprise to me, delivered by hand
With a smile to melt me into an unseemly puddle.
Does he know? Can he feel the others?
Other flowers from the past that cannot compete
With these beauties, carefully chosen
Searching for a home and mine is waiting.
Quiet takes over for now, not long ago
A splendid torrent of noise replenished my heart
Hid the pain if even for a few hours
Brightened an otherwise cloudy day.
He must know my love will last forever
Will never go away, no matter what day
No matter the hour, the year, the second
I will always love my boy.
–Victoria Emmons ©2017
Amour, Children, Family, Grandchildren, grandson, Happiness, Heartbreak, kids, life, Love, Love, Memories, Musings, poems, Poetry, Roses, Thoughts, Writing, Writing
grandkids, grandson, love, Valentine's Day
Feb · 14
I remember the 13 x 9 x 2 aluminum version
Carving out perfect brownies for a crowd
Or the glass model 8 x 6 x 2, the smaller size
For the rare few who stayed up late
I remember baked-on grease forever embedded
Into the fabric of the pans, creating their own
Modern artwork in a chaotic kitchen
The result of motherhood gone awry
Baking meant sustenance, but more than that
It revealed ingenious fortitude, cleverness and pride
Combined with creativity that surpassed all else
I remember that creativity, that strength
And I remember the love that went into each egg
Fried into a perfectly shaped circle inside a slice of bread
A circle that we called breakfast, along with crisp bacon
And always a glass of whole milk or juice, our choice
I remember taking turns at the bar, slipping onto a warm stool
In front of a previously occupied plate still wet with yellow yolk
That she shoved aside to replace with a new, warm toad
One that would be consumed in time to catch a school bus
I remember the burnt days, too, clouded with emotion
Fervent spirit doused for an hour or two, yet
Toad-in-a-hole breakfasts kept flying out of her kitchen
Into our hearts and souls, all four of us children
I remember her pans as I retrieve my own small one
From the dishwasher, not as clean as I would like
The glass still living with some of last night’s meal
My carelessness, the wrong machine setting
I remember we had no dishwasher then, a luxury,
Washed by hand, each greasy skillet or brownie pan
Thus why the grease remained, no doubt, what strength
Do children have to scrub away the toughest stains?
Tools at my disposal, I begin to work, fingers dry and sore
From steel wool combined with cleaning powder that
Lasts as long as I do to see every last speck of memory stain
Removed forever, or until the next chicken Marsala bakes
–Victoria Emmons, ©2017
Children, cooking, dinner, Family, Food, life, Love, Memories, Mother, Musings, Poetry, Time, Writing
clean, memories, mother, poem, poems, poetry
Feb · 09
I’m on the right
You’re on the left
Sometimes you drift my way
Other times I drift yours
Often we meet
In the middle
Best of all
Warm up to each other
Now your side stripped bare
Too cold to creep over there
Empty and void of feeling
Plumped-up pillows for no purpose
Evening routine remains
Yet morning cries reality
Evidence of attempts to reconcile
Edging slightly your way
Blanket all askew
Tugged by unknown forces
Mystic, ghost-like visions
The other side of my bed
Still lies in wait
For your arrival
That never comes
–Victoria Emmons, copyright 2017
Amour, Grief, Heartbreak, Loss, Love, Loyalty, Marriage, Memories, Musings, poems, Poetry, Poets, Relationships, Thoughts
grief, loss, love
Jan · 26
Three candles and chocolate cake
Crowned with vanilla ice cream
Balloons flutter and bob in the air
Too high to salvage
A young girl mouthes “Hi Daddy” in silence
Surrounded by a windy Hawaiian day
And friends around the birthday table
One sister on her right, another her left
The colorful scene on a bright morning
Forever captured in a 16-millimeter tin
When Mother baked specialties to please
And tied boxes with pretty bows
A perfect moment
Until the next year arrives in glorious fashion
And another and another until finally
Surprise at number seventeen
savored for all time
Twelve friends hiding in a room
Offer sudden smiles, song and love
A pile of presents to open
Music and dancing fill the air
Fifty years, a second surprise
Colleagues appear unannounced
Claiming they knew not the day
The same as seventeen, only older
Laughter, gin and candles play
In the twilight of life
Gazing at photos that must be me
A younger, more attractive version
Each year, I succumb to the day
That I chose to enter the world
Bake my own cake, sweet frosting on top
Blow out the last candles
—Victoria Emmons, copyright 2017
Aging, Birthdays, Challenges, Friends, life, Lonely, Memories, party, poems, Poetry, Time
aging, Birthday, memories
Jan · 23
I know how to define longing
Feeling it as I do this day
With joyful news that I
Cannot share with you.
Longing to speak with you
To hear your laughter amidst
Guttural sounds that create
Music for my soul.
We now speak only in code
Your message somewhat blank
And mine only hesitant
Lacking in style or craft.
Longing so real that it hurts
A deep, agonizing pain
That makes me want to fly away
To a far-off destination.
I have nowhere to fly
Only stuck in my memories
Lost in dreams gone by
Longing for what will never be.
–Victoria Emmons © 2016
Challenges, Correspondence, Destiny, envy, Grief, Heartbreak, Keepsakes, life, Lonely, Loss, Love, Marriage, Memories, Musings, Pain, poems, Poetry, Poets, Relationships, Thoughts
life, longing, love, memory, poems, poetry
Oct · 18